(Source: flickr.com)
bwil
i'm becca. senior at fishers. i talk and think and feel way too much.
Also, whenever I think about jennifer’s upcoming surgery on thursday, I start crying. They’re operating on her for 9 hours. Nine fucking hours? What can they possibly have to do that will take nine hours?! I’m scared. I know she’s gonna be fine but you tell me that if your mom was going under the knife for a problem so serious for 9 hours that you wouldn’t be scared too. And I guess I’m scared to see her weak, cause Jennifer, who had 3 herneas and didn’t even go to the doctor, is anything but weak.
MY MIND WON’T SHUT THE FUCK UP.
I’m exhausted, I know because I slept 12+ hours both Friday and Saturday night, but I’m also stressed and worried and that’s just a combination that leads to no sleep. Already tonight, I gave up on trying to sleep in favor of doing something actually productive so, I got back out of bed and started doing a bunch of chores. Then, I decided to try sleeping again. No such luck.
Fuck thisss! I want some sort of sleeping pill to knock me the fuck out. This happens to me all too often where I get these anxious and stressful thoughts and can’t sleep. I honestly think I have some form of anxiety. You don’t tear the skin off your fingers and make yourself bleed if you don’t have some form of anxiety, right?
i have to tap into something deep and dark and ugly inside me in order to be able to write well creatively. so, i have to write this short story for creative writing and i’ve been putting it off. all i want to write about is sad. and it’s not fiction, it’s therapy.
Gimme More By Britney Spears - RL@M & M@rcos @guirre
i found out i have cysts in my kidneys. i got the news from the doctor on the phone and when i hung up, all i had to say was, “god damn it.” but since i got that news right before spring break, i couldn’t get in to see a doctor til this week so this entire time i’ve had this hanging over my head, wondering what the fuck it means that my urine is backflowing and that my doctor’s office has been blowing up my phone. then, when i got home, i was greeted by a packet who-fucking-knows how many papers thick from urology of indiana with 4 different fucking forms that i have to fill out before i go into my app with the uroligist on wednesday. and already, i’m just like fuckkkkk thissssss.
i am an extraordinarily sensitive person. i almost always have to reappraise my emotions and figure out if they’re rational or not. normally, they’re not but i suppose that’s just the nature of emotions. but sometimes i literally just think and feel the most absurd things.
